We’ve all heard the advice. “Never go to bed angry.” Supposedly, you’re supposed to work everything out and start fresh the next day.

But what if you can’t? What if you’re still steaming and he’s clueless about why you’re mad?

Or, maybe you know it’s going to take a while to discuss what happened and you really need to get to bed?

Or you simply don’t want to…

It’s fine to wait. In fact, sometimes it’s a really good idea to do so. Discussing sensitive topics when you’re fuming will get you nowhere. Same thing applies if you’re tired, not feeling it, or simply don’t have the time right then.

Now, just because you’re not going to resolve things before bed, doesn’t mean there aren’t some other things you should do! Consider some of these tips to make sure waiting to resolve the conflict doesn’t cause damage to your relationship:

  1. Even if you table the conversation, reassure your spouse about your commitment to the relationship and desire to work through the problem. Set up a time when the two of you can talk.
  2. No matter when you have the discussion, it’s important that you’ve settled yourself down. Once you can think more clearly and engage without harshness, check in with your spouse and see if he is also calm enough to talk. You may not have the ability to work through conflict until you’ve had time to shift your body. Rest can certainly help with that!
  3. Let go of small disagreements that are coming up mostly because of stress. I’m not saying you should tolerate mistreatment. I’m just saying that if you see that what you’re arguing about is actually minor, it’s okay not to process it. Just get a good night’s sleep and move on the next day.

Although it is fine to go to bed angry, be careful not to sweep things under the rug. Just get yourself into a more calm, constructive mindset and tackle the problem when the two of you are ready.