Love Should Liberate
Marriage is a union, to be sure,
but it’s a union that should liberate,
not incarcerate.
Real love shouldn’t limit
a person’s potential,
it should expand it.
-Seth Adam Smith
Be Yourself
In a world
where you can be anything,
BE YOURSELF.
~Etta Turner
Which is More Important, My Life or Yours?
One day you will ask me
which is more important?
My life or yours?
I will say mine and you will
walk away not knowing that
you are my life.
~Khalil Gibran
Selfishness vs. Self-Care
Does this sounds like your marriage?
When your husband is tired or depleted, he takes a break to have fun, sleeps or has a snack.
But when you are tired or depleted, you keep pushing on, because people need you and there’s so much to be done.
And his ability to hit the “off” switch is driving you a little crazy. It just seems so … selfish.
Let’s take a closer look at what’s going on here.
Men get very different messages about self-care than we do. They’re more at ease with the idea that they have to tend to their own needs as a part of basic self-maintenance.
As women, though, we’ve often internalized the idea that self-care equals selfishness. We’re taught to prioritize others to a fault. When we expect ourselves to have it all and do it all, it’s hard to fit down time into that vision.
This may sound counterintuitive at first, but you’ll be able to do more if you take your foot off the gas sometimes. You need self-care — rest, exercise, healthy food, time for yourself — to have the marriage, family and career you want.
If you find yourself irritated at your husband for sleeping in on Saturdays or taking his annual guys camping trip when your family is busy, your ire could be a reflection of how harsh and demanding you are being on yourself.
There’s a quote I love by the late Dr. Maya Angelou: “I do not trust people who don’t love themselves and yet tell me ‘I love you.’ There is an African saying, which is ‘Be careful when a naked person offers you a shirt.’”
Try this: Experiment with giving yourself a break for self-care. Be compassionate and gentle with yourself, remembering that you’re not being selfish. Allow yourself to experience how good it feels to stop pushing and tend to your own needs for a while. Isn’t it a relief? Keep doing this, and you may see a shift in how you feel when your husband takes down time.
The Worst Betrayal of All
When the people we love or with whom we have a deep connection stop caring, stop paying attention, stop investing and fighting for the relationship, trust begins to slip away and hurt starts seeping in. Disengagement triggers shame and our greatest fears—the fears of being abandoned, unworthy, and unlovable. What can make this covert betrayal so much more dangerous than something like a lie or an affair is that we can’t point to the source of our pain—there’s no event, no obvious evidence of brokenness. It can feel crazy-making.
~Brené Brown
He’s Not Perfect
He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.
~Bob Marley
