Disappointed by Valentine’s Day?

by Strong Women Strong Love | Feb 16, 2014 | Passionate Partnership | 0 comments

Was your Valentine’s Day about fun and companionship with your husband? Or were you disappointed by how your Valentine’s Day went?

Many times, we women have very specific expectations about how things “should” go on special occasions like Valentine’s Day. On top of that, we grow up with romantic myths such as believing that our dream guy will “just know” how to make us happy without any effort on our part. When we don’t let our partners in on those expectations, it can cause tremendous stress in the relationship.

Disappointments like a Valentine’s Day letdown can easily lead to resentment and feelings of hopelessness about the relationship. What can you do to ease these hurt feelings and move forward? Here are a couple of ideas to consider:

1.  Be direct.  The next time a special occasion (such as your birthday or your anniversary) is coming, be more direct about how you would like the event to go. Remember that the romantic images in your head might not be the ones in his. This is one of the reasons men often say, “Just tell me what you want!”  Speak up because if you value a romantic night out on special days, but he thinks he’s supposed to buy jewelry, you will end up disappointed. It might not seem as romantic to communicate your wishes so directly, but you’re more likely to enjoy the occasion. And, as a bonus, anytime you bring more of the real you into your relationship, you’re always deepening the intimacy with your husband.

2.  Look at the big picture.  Don’t use how your husband did on Valentine’s Day as the sole measure of the success of your relationship. It’s one day, not the total picture of your marriage. Look for all the ways that your husband does communicate his love — maybe he’s great about helping you around the house or he’s very physically affectionate. Make sure these other efforts are acknowledged. Otherwise, you will end up with a partner who feels discouraged about his attempts to make you happy.

Everyone will disappoint us sometimes; opening ourselves up to that is part of being in a close relationship. But remember that being disappointed by Valentine’s Day does NOT have to equal being disappointed in your relationship!

The Real Way to Attract Your Husband

by Strong Women Strong Love | Feb 4, 2014 | Passionate Partnership | 0 comments

As Valentine’s Day approaches, how many articles have you seen about how to be “irresistible” to your husband and spice up your marriage? As women, we’re barraged with unrealistic — and sometimes even contradictory! — advice about how to attract a man: Be seductive! Don’t be too nice! Look perfect to keep your man!

The big problem with much of this advice is that it’s based on fear — fear that if you don’t do just the right thing at just the right time, there goes your relationship.

The irony is that what truly makes us irresistible is authenticity, and it comes from a place of courage, not fear. It’s not about using “tricks” to get what you want out of your man or having the “perfect” body so he’ll be attracted to you. In fact, manipulative behavior and constant insecurity about your appearance are anything but attractive.

What does bring your husband closer?

1.  Nurturing your own self-worth and self-respect. Think about it: Would you rather be around someone who is secure and confident or someone who is constantly needy?

Tips to try:

• Identify the things that energize you and bring more of them into your daily life.
• Be compassionate toward yourself when you make a mistake, remembering that mistakes are necessary for learning.

2.  Being your whole self, not the woman you think you are supposed to be. Trusting your husband with the real you, in all your power, complexity and vulnerability, brings life to the relationship.

Tips to try:

• Share something you’ve never told anyone else with your husband.
• Practice voicing your true opinions.

3.  Making it easy for him to be himself with you. Accept his differences, respect him and appreciate how he contributes to your life.

Tips to try:

• Make a habit of noticing the positive things your husband does.
• Recall the key qualities that initially attracted you to your husband, and point them out.

Remember that your husband already has a deep attraction to you. Otherwise, he would not have married you!  By valuing yourself, having the courage to be vulnerable, and acting in loving ways, you become genuinely irresistible—and that’s the best Valentine’s gift you can give yourself and your husband.