You’ve been with your husband a while, and some of the things he does drive you so crazy that you wonder if you possibly married the wrong man. He falls short of so many of your expectations. How do you know whether you made a mistake or whether it’s just normal to feel this way in a marriage?
So, let me start by asking you a really important question: Who did you marry?
Notice, I did NOT say: Who do you wish you had married?
Who Is This Man You Married?
Take a really close look at your husband and ask yourself these questions:
- Is he lazy or a hard worker?
- Is he easy going or inflexible?
- Does he have your back when things are rough, or does he leave you to fend for yourself?
- Is he generally kind or mean?
- Is he a good dad or uncaring with the kids?
- Does he know how to nurture, or is he clueless about how to take care of someone?
- Is he messy or a neat freak?
- What are his best qualities?
- What are his worst ones?
- Are his good qualities ones that really matter to you?
- Are his worse qualities deal breakers?
- How well do the two of you work as a team?
- Why did you marry him in the first place?
Can You Accept Him?
Very often, the frustration you feel toward your spouse simply comes from a failure to accept the person you actually married. Women often go into a marriage with the mentality that they will “fix up” the guy they married. When attempts to change him fail, the challenge is to accept reality.
Your husband may never be the man in your dreams, but that doesn’t mean he’s not a great marriage partner. He cannot compete with the idealized image in your mind. So, the challenge then is for you to love him as is, without any upgrades.
What Old Married Couples Know
Couples who have been married for years and are still happy have inevitably come to understand the importance of deeply loving and accepting their partner, even with all their quirks and foibles.
It’s when you step into a place of deeper acceptance, that your real marriage actually begins.