As we get closer to Thanksgiving, you are probably starting to kick your holiday preparations into high gear.
But amid your shopping, decorating and travel planning, I want you to steal a few moments for one simple activity that will set the stage for a more meaningful season.
Now is a great time to watch or rewatch Brene Brown’s seminal TEDX talk “The Power of Vulnerability.” It will take you only about 20 minutes.
The holidays can stir up all sorts of feelings and expectations that make you feel more vulnerable this time of year. You may already be feeling some anxiety and stress in anticipation of all that needs to be done before year’s end. Of course, looking cheerful while trying to tame your perfectionism over every detail makes this a much harder task!
Some of you are anticipating sadness and heartbreak about loved ones who will not be with you this holiday. All these emotions can be so powerful that it can be tempting to hide from them through overeating, overdrinking or overspending.
The gift we all really want is to be able to share our vulnerable feelings with others and still feel safe and loved. Unfortunately, many of us — even kids — have had experiences that make us feel unsafe being vulnerable.
Making Space for Vulnerability
You can’t make people be vulnerable with you. But you can create an atmosphere of love and security that encourages vulnerability. What might that look like during the holiday season?
- Deciding to skip a party you had planned to attend because your husband is at the end of his rope with end-of-year work stress.
- Not telling your shy kid they “shouldn’t feel that way” if they voice nervousness about seeing their raucous cousins.
- Taking a timeout from holiday activities to be with a friend who’s grieving or going through a crisis like divorce or a family illness.
- Giving your aging parents some one-on-one time to just talk to you instead of getting lost in the busyness of the season.
When you show up for others in ways like these, you build trust and intimacy in your relationships which is necessary for anyone to be vulnerable.
Of course, you also need relationships where you can be vulnerable yourself. Before things get too stressful, think about who gives you a sense of safety and acceptance. Who can handle it when you’re not feeling merry and bright? Who would take it in stride if you need to express sadness that your budget is smaller this year or that your parents are having some health troubles?
If you feel that you and your husband are not open and vulnerable enough with each other, think about some small steps that might help bring you closer. You can’t just go from closed off to totally vulnerable overnight — and neither can he. Instead, think about a low-risk way you can test the waters. Maybe that’s something as simple as asking for his help wrapping gifts when you would usually handle the job yourself. You could use that opportunity to connect and find out how he’s really doing. Slowing down your flurry of activity and engaging creates opportunities to share any vulnerability either of you are experiencing.
I hope that this holiday season brings you closer to everyone you care about, especially your husband. To keep strengthening your relationship together, pick up a copy of my book Strong Women, Strong Love.